hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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