My Higher Power is John Stamos
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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