i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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