The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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