Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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