The maid of honor just puked.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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