The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize