bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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