Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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