Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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