I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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