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Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
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