You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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