all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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