just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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