nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize