And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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