I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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