Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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