I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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