You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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