Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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