He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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