Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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