You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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