how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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