Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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