My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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