I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize