Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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