Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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