I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize