yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize