It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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