What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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