So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
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im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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