p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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