my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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