Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Buhtt sex?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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