I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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