for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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