A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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