I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize