after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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