I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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