Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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