Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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