he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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