when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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