If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You have to summon your inner elephant
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize